My Christmas Babies
Have tried many times to sit down and write on the blog, but many days my life is a little circus. Today, no matter what needs to be done, I decided to finally sit down and write. Writing does my heart good.
What does maintenance mean?
Definition of MAINTENANCE
2: something that maintains
3: the upkeep of property or equipment
I feel like we fall into #3…the upkeep of property or equipment.
We have officially been in maintenance therapy for over six months now! Now, we are most thankful that McKinley does not have to have any further intensive therapy, maintenance has not been care free. Is there such a thing as care free maintenance? Nope!
Please do not mistake my realism for how thankful we are to be this far post diagnosis and post intensive therapy. We praise God up and down and left and right for being here today. We are extremely thankful that we only have one hospital and one home health visit planned per month and all other therapy/drugs are done from home. We are super duper thankful that we have stayed inpatient free since July! LOUD Yay God! So thank you Jesus for being this far down the road.
Maintenance has not been super smoother sailing. While the concerns are not as great, there are still concerns and perhaps the concerns at this house are heightened because Drew came into our lives in October and his immune system needs to be protected as well.
McKinley has had 2 cold-like viral infections that have lasted what seems like forever. The first one lasted 5 weeks and this one she got the week before Christmas and it is still hanging on. She has interrupted sleep at night (along with Drew still waking up) because of coughing or some other pain which we couldn’t figure out. Throw 5 days of steroids in every 28 days and it wears on ya. She has been tired and cranky for quite some time but today has played the best she has in weeks….yay God, again!!!
We have all had our share of Dr. visits last year. I couldn’t count how many times I went to get my blood pressure regulated to get the correct medicine. One medicine was giving me crazy side effects and made me feel pretty yucky. I think we have the right one now and if my body could just kick the rest of this cold I got a couple of weeks ago, I think I’ll be feeling pretty good. 3 months post partum tomorrow!! I am for sure over getting to know my doctor! So, I’m hoping to stay away from his doors.
Drew is doing well. Not sleeping the best since he was sick last December, but he is happy for the most part. He rolled over yesterday is arching his back and could carry on a conversation with you on his belly. The girls love him silly…..literally. There are moments when I’m holding him and I get a little closterphobic because they are all up in his business. I can, however, foresee all three of them being a tight sibling group and am excited to see that develop!
Makayla’s school is probably going the best of all our tasks at home. She jumped into the new year with a great attitude and a little more focus. She is still a great helper and endures much sister abuse from McKinley….of which we are needing to rein in some. It is a hard balance when McKinley isn’t feeling well, but Makayla does great with that responsiblity. She shows much grace to her sister and her parent’s.
Scott is feeling great after surgery last November. He is an amazing help mate at home. I think I’d of done lost it if God had not given me such a supportive husband. He is wonderful at jumping right in the mix when he gets home from a long day at work. I’m very thankful for him! He is the best!
We have decided to me to work during tax season this year and the firm has graciously allowed me back to contract this year. I start mid February and am super excited to have my brain challenged in a different way. The day in and outs (and many unplanned Dr visits) around here have made me a little anxious at times. Scott and I both think that God will use this work time to refresh me a bit.
So, maintenance hasn’t been easy, much better quality for all of us but still difficult. Life is simply hard for many of us, isn’t it. Your child may not have cancer, but life is still hard. You know, I cry out for normal, but what is normal? I have had a difficult time with the stress of our life lately. Maybe it is lack of rest, hormonal changes, not being able to exercise regularly due to time and blood pressure issues, simply having a newborn or the combo package, but nonetheless, I have not been dealing well with stress. I had a very hard day a week or so before Christmas. Overwhelmed with the negative thoughts in my mind and this verse flooded my heart that day.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6.
Probably one of the first set of verses I memorized as a new believer. So great and powerful, right? I hid these words in my heart about 25 years ago. I’ve quoted them over the years, used them in Bible study lessons, heard sermons on them, on and on. As Scott was praying over and with me that day, I had never heard those verses so loudly. I kept hearing God tell me that I was leaning on my own understanding and I was far from trusting in Him with my whole heart.
In addition to that verse already penetrating my heart I was sharing a bit of my mind struggle with my dad the next day, he said this, “I have a verse for you that I wrote down yesterday.” Guess what verse God had laid on his heart to (at the time he did not know this) share with me? Yep, Proverbs 3:5-6.
Clearly He was trying to communicate something to me…..so, what would God have me learn and APPLY? I can not trust Him with all my heart if I am leaning on my own understanding. Stewing over the what if’s and worries of life. Let me tell you, I can have big ‘ole pot of them, too. I, for the first time, focused on the leaning on my own understanding part of these verses. Which, I believe, is the first step to trusting Him with my whole heart. Now, I haven’t perfected it, but I have noticed less anxiety when I ask Him to take my burden (which He promises to take) and replace my thoughts. I have had to, physically, leave the house to redirect my mind, which redirects my heart. That sets me up to then trust in Him with my whole heart. I have nothing else to occupy it (my heart).
Life is hard…..I have two sets of wonderful friends, whom we met at CCMC, who have had an extremely difficult season recently and it is not letting up for them. My pastor from Huntington, who married Scott and I has had very serious physical hardship as well. Life is not fair and again it is hard, but we can’t give in. We must keep growing and allowing God to change us, challenge us, love on us — we must continue to persevere.
“We rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4
I’m thrilled that despite me, God still pursues me. Who am I?
For some reason this post is messed up and I can not space, but I am not going to rewrite it. I guess it is because I copied and pasted. Sorry it is so jumbled.
